25 Weeks

How far along? 

25 weeks today.

Total weight gain?

16 pounds. I gained another this past week. I was always eating. Seeing that I have about 15 more weeks, I may become a balloon.

Sleep

I still have no problem sleeping. I'm going to say that's because I wear myself out during the day. Now, I've just got to keep it up!

Movement

She moves most when I bend over ( I must squish her) and when I lay on my side.

 

Exercise

I logged 13.5 miles this past week. 5 miles were from walking and 8.5 miles were from running. I did my pregnancy workout twice as well. I signed up to do the 100 Mile Challenge, so I'm well on my way to getting there. It goes from July 1st through September 26th, so I've got plenty of time.

 

Best Moment of the Week

As cheesy as it sounds, my best moment has been spending time with Stephen. I got to watch him at his softball game, watch our Washington Nationals play, and sit on the back deck at night with Stephen. It was a 3-day weekend for him so we soaked up the time we all had together.

 

 

 

Gender Reveal

We had some friends and family over the first Saturday in June to find out the sex of our baby.






I made some last minute decorations, of course, and hung them up around the party.

We had hotdogs, chicken salad, macaroni and cheese, watermelon, corn, cookies, and homemade ice cream to satisfy everyone's hungry belly.




Stephen had read the ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. He then blew up and filled twenty-some balloons with pink confetti for all the guests to pop at the same time. He passed them out to everyone asking them not to look because some of the balloons were see through.






Everyone held their balloon over their head...





...and we popped them on the count of 3. PINK confetti went everywhere. It was so cute!
 



Stephen did such a good job getting the reveal balloons ready. This picture describes real life as well-we couldn't get a picture of both of us with our eyes open. Oh well!






Austin was so scared of all the popping balloons that he held on to Stephen for dear life afterwards.





Our baby girl got an early gift from her great grandparents.



We had such a good time. It was nice having enough food for everyone and being able to relax with everyone. And we are so thankful for our healthy baby girl!

20 week ultrasound

24 weeks

How far along? 

24 weeks today.

Total weight gain?
15 pounds. Wowsers. The doctor measured the height of my uterus today & said it was measuring juuust over 23 weeks. My blood pressure was 100/57 and my weight was up 4.8 pounds since my 20 week visit.

Maternity Clothes
I wear more maternity shirts now. I have yet to wear my maternity pants since the rubberband trick still works. I also wear workout clothes a lot because I don't have much to dress up for, and let's be honest - they are cozy!

Sleep
I sleep fine at night because I've been sooo tired. I'm starting to notice my hips are more uncomfortable though. This means I'll need to start sleeping with a pillow between my legs soon. Ugh. Since 21 weeks along, I no longer sleep on my stomach.  Baby girl would start moving a lot so I've opted to no longer squish our child. I'm sure she is glad about that. And yes, I have to use the bathroom at least once every night. 

Movement
Some days more than others, I feel her move a lot. Thankfully,  I feel her move every day.

Food cravings and aversions
Keep the bacon away, please. Can't stand it. Same with pork. I will gladly eat some ice cream or a milkshake though ☺

Exercise
The past two weeks I've only exercised 4 times since I was exhausted from watching a 6, 4, 2, & 1 year old along with a 3 month old for eight and a half hours each weekday. I'm hoping to return to my 3 mile runs 3 days a week and my pregnancy dvd workouts 3 days a week. I would like to keep baby and myself healthy.

Stretch Marks
None. Let's keep it that way.

Sex of the baby
Girl!  We popped balloons and pink confetti came out! We are excited.  Austin knows that his baby sister is in my tummy now too. Next, we hope he will say 'baby'.

Baby Times

Our little rainbow baby is growing.
Statistics say if you become pregnant within 6 months of a miscarriage, you are more likely to have a healthy pregnancy and carry to full term. A healthy pregnancy means a healthy baby.

 

Our baby is now 16 weeks and 3 days along. I have felt some squirms and finally escaped that darn morning sickness. No more running to the bathroom or avoiding food and smells. I have an appointment next Tuesday and then, the next appointment will be when we find out the sex of our baby!

 

I told Stephen I may cry if it's not a boy because I think Austin would love to have a brother so close in age. Of course, a little girl would be awesome, but I will definitely have to prepare myself.

 

At our first (and only appointment thus far), Stephen and I were so scared that we would not see a heartbeat. I cried when we did and Stephen's face lit up with relief. The toughest part of this pregnancy, even among the morning sickness, is waiting to hear our baby's heartbeat. Every doctor's appointment will come with anxiety until that 'thump, thump' is heard.

Sunday, April 6th, 2014

I feel so lonely on this day. Instead of celebrating the fact that it is the due date of our second child, we remember the loss and tears come as we think of the child we never got to meet. No one knows what this day is to us.  We will go about it normally-we'll eat, go to church, put Austin down for a nap, go to youth group, and go to bed. I'm afraid of bedtime because this day is the day I feel closest to my child since the day their soul left this world.

It has been over 7 months since we lost our child but it still hurts just as bad. I still think of him/her every single day. Today is going to be one of the toughest days and I don't know how I'm going to come out of it with a smile.

I'm glad Stephen knows what I'm going through. I'm glad we'll have each other today.

A New Point of View

'And he will thank you for giving him life. He will thank you for enduring the loss that he might have the reward sooner.'

John Piper

I read an interesting letter that John Piper wrote to a mother who lost her child. This quote was something that I got from it that I think I will remember. It is a good take on how to look at any loss, in the womb or outside of it.

Freezing Rain

People never tell you how difficult it is to have a miscarriage. And I mean how emotionally difficult it is. It has been almost 3 months since we found out that we lost our baby and to this very day, this very second even, I tear up or just plain out cry when I think about it. It hurts deep down inside every time.

If our baby stayed on earth with us, we would be finding out this week or next week whether he/she was a boy or a girl. When I hear my newly pregnant friends talking about their pregnancies, I would be able to chime in on how mine is going. I wouldn't cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking about what our child would have looked like and what they would have accomplished in life.

While I cry, I cry even more because I feel so weak. I know friends and family members who are going through much more difficult times than we are. I feel bad because I can't seem to not be upset. I feel bad because I don't want them to think I'm trying to downplay their hardships. I am not a person who is this emotional all the time. I'm praying to get over this pain and get my normal even-keeled emotions back.

Every day I pray and thank the Lord for our baby and the experience. I want to talk to people more about it, but it is an awkward and uncomfortable conversation for most people so I stray away from doing so. I think of all the moms and dads, brothers and sisters, who lost a baby before they were born into this world. I know I'm not alone in this silent suffering. That comforts me some, but doesn't keep me from crying.

My days are good and I am blessed. But just because I a find joy in life as a Christian does not mean that I do not have moments in my days where I find a corner to cry and pray to God asking for guidance and clarity. I am so human and make mistakes with my words, thoughts, and actions repeatedly. However, I know that God's love for me should make me stronger every day and so I am going to keep trying to live my days to pay him back for the blessings and experiences that He has given me.

I just want to be honest and let people know that I am not lying when I have a smile on my face-because I am a genuinely joyful person; but at the same time, I have my difficult moments where I break down and can't go any farther on my own. I'm not ashamed to say that. This whole 'life' thing is very tough and gets more interesting as I get older. You can be joyful and human at the same time. It's a strange blessing. Some of us have a little bit of Christ living in us to allow us that joy.

I'm looking forward to the day where my whole being will be devoted to Him and I will no longer hold the pain of losing a child or have the fear of never holding my newborn baby in my arms again...

Revelation 21:3-6

3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” 6 And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.